The Husband has only been out for a few months and it is still hard for me to imagine. I’ve always dreamed of the day when one of my books would meet press and be widely distributed. It was an impossible dream I nearly dismissed. While I’m glad I didn’t, it is harrowing to have my first book be about the absolute worst time of my life.
I honestly don’t know what I was thinking. God told me to write down my experience and I did. It never donned on me that I would be interviewing, rereading, and sharing so much of my personal story with strangers. People continue to thank me for my vulnerability. My point of reference for the word comes from Brene Brown, author of Daring Greatly, who states that, “Vulnerability is about showing up and being seen. It’s tough to do that when we’re terrified about what people might see or think.” Read an interview here.
The interesting thing about this point of my life is that there’s not a lot of room to harm me, not anymore, so I’m not terrified. To say I’m being vulnerable seems disingenuous. I don’t feel vulnerable. I feel strong, healthy, better than I have ever been. Is it because of my vulnerability? Brene Brown would say, “Yes”.
Truthfully, I’ve made my fair share of mistakes. I have a tendency to own more of them than I need to. I’m flawed, biased, and broken. The Husband was an exercise in searching out God through that brokenness and my flaws. I wasn’t writing towards any audience but to please God. It churned out an exceptional book that blesses peoples’ lives. Is that enough?
It has to be. Yeah, I would have loved one of my other novels to be published first. I’ve written quite a few. Maybe God was trying to show me that He is the creator and completer of dreams. That He is the one that makes it all possible. I don’t know. I’m not one to put much credence in His “will” or “plan”. He doesn’t want any tragedy of sin to befall His children and we are all His children. I am one to believe He makes provisions for those who trust in Him.
I wouldn’t have wished for this book but here it is. It’s a really great book. God made the provisions so that it could happen. A part of me finds it hard to believe I wrote it. It gives me the strength to be real with myself, vulnerable, and be a writer which is about the only thing that brings me peace. I’ve earned this book. It was written in blood, sweat, and tears (I still openly sob through parts of it). I spent thirty odd years suffering for it. Is it everything I hoped for? No. It is what God has given me and I’m doing my best to honor Him through it. Maybe this “vulnerability” is the spark of spiritual peace.
If you haven’t picked up The Husband yet, you can grab in on Amazon by clicking here. Or ask for it at your favorite retaler.
Aaron Daniel Behr
May 25, 2018
Mount Vernon, Ohio